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Sometimes I feel like all I can do to get through life is switch on "survival mode". For me, survival mode is similar to my iPhone’s low power mode. This happens when I have gone as long as I can without getting the recharge that I need to work or run effectively before my body forces a shut down. This "shutdown" can lead to me being 100% non functional for who knows how long. This is something I have experienced numerous times in my life and almost always as a reaction to intense stress, emotional drains, and high anxiety situations. Sometimes I struggle more than I let on. I do my best to function at the highest I can but because of these external stressors in my life effecting my internal reactors, I can sometimes to go from a 100% battery to 10% or less quickly.
During my marriage, my Dr and my therapist came up with a safety plan for security and literal emergency situations. This plan consisted of numerous precautions, including always having a phone with a full battery, my charging cord, a battery pack, my extra set of car keys, as well as least one day worth of essential medications and $100 cash. I think back to that time in my life a lot. Although my daily safety has improved, I still keep a lot of those precautions active now and you can notice significant signs of distress in my body if my phone battery dwindles or I do not have my charging necessities. I used to live my life in constant survival mode to be able to just get by each and every day. I think that very few people really knew what was going on with me or how difficult it was for me to participate in my daily life. Now, in this new phase, and dealing with a divorce that has been ongoing for years now, it is harder and harder to hide my struggles, the stress I am feeling, or how run down I can begin to feel.
What goes on with me when I am in survival mode and HOW I survive it looks different now than it did previously. Some of these tips may help you when you get bogged down by life, so I am listing them here. Do you have a survival tactic you use when life gets too heavy? I'd love to hear what works for you!
Shut Down-Shutting down on all fronts: taking rot days and being okay with it.
Sometimes I fully shut down. I go silent. I stay away from social media. I don’t return calls or texts. I lay on my couch, snuggled up in comfies and under the blanket with Maggie. I may binge watch something that makes me feel good, I may be in my home in absolute silence. I eat comfort foods, which almost always include mashed potatoes and gravy from either Cracker Barrel or Bob Evans, both that can easily be delivered via DoorDash when leaving my house is not on the agenda. I focus on not feeling guilty for laying around and doing nothing when my body tells me it has had enough.
Medicate- Managing my severe anxiety with additional medications, therapy and meditation, etc.
When I go into survival mode I am almost always at a point of very high anxiety. There may not be one thing or anything specific that is causing it, but it’s there. When my anxiety gets high, I make sure that I manage it with all of my tools that I have in my “toolbox.” I make sure to take my additional medications that I am able to take (never more).
Mindfulness-I practice meditation and mindfulness. I reach out to my care team to touch base and discuss the steps we need to take in my next therapy session. I will keep grape JollyRanchers or Tootsie Pops close as well as my coin from when I went left treatment. My coin helps me a lot. I always keep it close and it is with me at all times. The coin has smooth sides, raised words and a textured background. When I am anxious I hold it in my hand and roll it around between my fingers and concentrate on the parts that I feel and the memory of them, it helps keep my mind in the present and keeps me from dazing off into space. Staying present and only focusing on the moment is the most powerful tool for me.
Sleep-Getting extra sleep and making my sleep as calming as possible with clean sheets, lavender scents, and even a weighted blanket.
Sleep is a very important thing for my when I go into survival mode and making sure it is good sleep is key. I make sure that I get into a made bed for the night, that the sheets are clean and not bunched up, I take my DoTERRA lavender oil and apply it to my wrists, neck and the bottom of my feet. I sleep with white noise or ambient sleep music. If I need to be held extra tight, I sleep with my weighted blanket. Getting quality sleep helps me immensely.
Proper Nutrition-Keeping my body fueled with foods that I want or need
when I get stressed out because sometimes I can forget to eat. It is never on purpose, but sometimes it just slips my mind. When I am in survival mode, I do my best to make sure that I am eating healthy and balanced meals. I make sure I get plenty of protein to fuel my body and carbs for energy. If I am craving something that makes me feel safe and comfortable, I reach for that. I don’t tell myself no. I eat what o need to eat.
Declutter-Making sure my surroundings are neat and organized.
My house being picked up and organized helps me a ton in these stressful situations. If I have clean surfaces and clutter put away it is one less thing that I need to worry about or obsess over having to do. Clutter stresses me out, more than I would like to admit. If you come over and my home is a complete wreck, you can pretty much guarantee that I am far past being in survival mode. I have gone full blown overwhelmed and will be completely stressed out. At that point I would rather move than help myself (kidding, kidding) by picking it up, so my home like that is basically me waving a SOS flag.
Comfort-Wearing comfortable clothing and accessories that won’t make me feel restricted,
I make sure that I wear clothing that isn’t restrictive or uncomfortable. When I am in survival mode, my anxiety is generally very high so I do my best to not wear anything tight around my neck or even necklaces. I keep my hair up and off my neck as well. If I am comfortable and not feeling confined, it helps keep me calm and feel less panicked.
Maggie-Snuggles with Maggie
My last dog before Maggie was a little 5.5lb Pomeranian named Wrigley. Wrigley became my security blanket so to say when I was dealing with the trauma in my marriage and my therapist urged me to spend as much time with him as possible. He was certified as an ESA(Emotional Support Animal) as well. When he passed away in May of 2023 I was distraught. I ended up adopting a Cavapoo puppy named Maggie in July. She has been certified as ESA and she in the process of becoming a service animal through a dog school. Maggie offers so much love and endless kisses and snuggles. When I am in survival mode she just knows and will snuggle up with me on my lap and that calms me right down.
Reconnecting with Nature-Getting outside and enjoying the sun (weather dependent). At least opening all curtains and blinds.
The sunshine is a major help to me. I keep the blinds open and try to get outside as much as possible. I have a daylight bulb to use as well and just being around that helps. The sunshine recharges me and helps me stay centered.
Grace-Giving myself grace
Giving myself grace is the biggest help when I am in survival mode. I struggled with that the most for the longest period of time. Therapy, working through my struggles and surrounding myself with people who love and support me have made it easier, but ultimately the work starts with me. I try to let myself fall apart if I need to, take time to rest, leave any guilt for being indulgent in self-care behind and focus on caring for myself.
With all of these steps, I am able to pick myself up and get back to living life to the fullest. Survival mode is not a place I can spend a ton of time, or a place that I want to get stuck in, but knowing that these periods will be temporary, focusing on my health, and knowing that the stress will pass has helped pull me out of some dark times in the last few years.
What self-care practices do you turn to when you are feeling bleak or run down? How do you help yourself be the best version of yourself when your feelings, mental health, or everyday stressors are preventing you from moving forward? Share with me in the comments here or pop a comment on social media to share. I love the feedback I receive from each of you and have enjoyed building this community online for this reason so much!
-Heather
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